Richard Osman’s House of Games – S03E71 (03 Feb 2020)
Hello, there. I am Richard Osman. Welcome along to a brand-new week on
House Of Games. I have four famous faces, they’re going to play a series of
quizzes and, at the end of the week, one of them is going to get their
hands on this extraordinary trophy. Shall we meet our players this
week? They are Lou Sanders… ..Reverend Richard Coles… ..Dr Maggie Aderin-Pocock… ..and Stuart Maconie. Welcome, everybody. Everyone’s got a title, Lou, apart
from you and Stuart. Now, Lou, we were talking before…
Mmm. ..and you said you’d watched this
show a number of times. How many questions have you got
right? Zero, unless I pause, Google the
person, go back to the show. Well, you’re going to love our
Pause And Google round. It’s going to play into your hands. Reverend Richard, a keen quizzer? Too keen. I’m afraid there’s an awful,
unreformed competitive person in me that comes out in these
circumstances. We quite like that on this show because we tend to be able to break
it by Wednesday. Excellent. I look forward to that.
I need it! Your spirit will be gone. Also, bit unfair, cos he’s got God
on his side so God can just tell him the
answers. If, at any point, I think you are
conferring with God, I will take a point off.
Thank you. All right. Dr Maggie, we’ve got a reverend and
a doctor as well – a space scientist, of all things. Now, Dr Maggie, as well as winning
this trophy at the end of the week, at the end of each show there’s also
a daily prize which you can get your hands on. Shall we take a look at today’s
daily prizes? Maggie, what would you take home
from these? There’s a House Of Games smoking
jacket, shower curtain, there’s the towel, there’s the playing cards and there’s the House Of Games
bread bin, the most boring of all prizes. Anything take your fancy? Well, let’s see, I don’t smoke but
that smoking jacket has a velour, a sheen about it,
which is rather appealing. It’s good to not smoke, but you can
still wear a smoking jacket. Indeed.
That’s the beauty of it. They haven’t banned that yet.
SHE LAUGHS Stuart, Richard is competitive, you’re a very good quizzer as well? It’s not about being good or bad,
Richard, is it? It’s about the spirit of quizzing. Oh! Do you know what? We’ve got two
of them, folks. Listen, lovely to have you all here, it’s going to be very competitive,
apart from Lou. Shall we start?
Yes. Shall we get on, play our first
game? Every time I press this buzzer, a
new game comes up. I don’t know what it’s going to be, you don’t know what it’s going to
be. Let’s find our first game on
Monday’s House Of Games. I’m going to ask you two questions
at a time, the answers rhyme with each other. As soon as you’ve got the answers,
buzz in, tell me the answers. Here are your first questions. That is Stuart. Forrest Gump, high jump?
Ah! Is it Forrest Gump and high jump? It’s a lovely start to the show for
Stuart Maconie. Well done! Next question. That is Lou. Winnie-the-Pooh, Louis Theroux. Winnie-the-Pooh, Louis Theroux. Well done, Lou. There you go!
Thank you. Next question. Stuart? Highland fling and West Wing? Is it Highland fling and West Wing? It is! Well played, Stuart. Here’s your next one. Who is this, and what is this song? # Sail away, sail away… # Yes, Stuart? Marilyn Monroe and Orinoco Flow. Stuart Maconie, another point.
Well done. He’s good on the buzzer, isn’t he?
Very good on the buzzer. And he’s also good on the answers.
And the answers. To be fair, he’s got a little bit of
both. Right, next question, everybody. Yes, Stuart? Is it Pepe Le Pew and The Taming Of
The Shrew? Shall we take a look? It is! Well done. Well done if you got that
at home as well. Next question. That is Richard. It’s Benjamin Britten and
Atomic Kitten. You’re the first person ever to say
those two things at the same time, and you’re
absolutely right. Next question. Ah, Stuart. Here’s a guess – is it
Kelsey Grammer and MC Hammer? Well done. Wow, I didn’t recognise MC Hammer at
all. When you don’t see the trousers… It’s the trousers that do it,
isn’t it? Yeah. Final question in this round. Reverend Richard? James Joyce and Little Voice. Well done. Good end to the round for
Reverend Richard Cole. Good round for Stuart, there. Let’s take a look at our first
scoreboard of the week, see exactly how we stand. Well done, Stuart! Very nicely done. It all changes. It all changes very
quickly. Shall we get straight on
to round two? Yes. OK, round two today is going to
be… Round two is always a pairs game. And, in pairs games, the player in
last place gets to choose. Maggie, that is you today. Who would you like to play with? Would you…? Would you care to?
I’d love to. I’d love to, Maggie. You see, that’s how you can tell
she’s a scientist. “Well, let me take a look at the
data here.” A quick analysis of the date. I did
conclude… She’s taken round one as an
experiment and she’s worked that out.
An evidence-based approach. Maggie, you’re with Stuart.
Lou and Richard, you are a team. Could you take out your tablets,
please? Oh, yeah! I am going to ask…
Looking forward to the tablet! ..a series of questions. They all
have numerical answers. You just have to write down what
you think is the answer. I’m then going to take an average of
each pair’s answer. Team up with someone at home if you
want, or see if your one answer is better
than their average answer. Here’s your first question. Write down a number for this,
please. Tricky one, isn’t it? Cos people do parachute jumps and
you have to sponsor them and what have you. Lou, what have you said? Not tricky for me. It’s 15,000. It’s clear to me.
15,000. Richard, what have you said? 1,417, says Richard. Let’s take a look, shall we, at your
average? I was going to say 8,000 first of
all so I’m happy with that. Lou is happy. Let’s see what Maggie
and Stuart think. Maggie, what have you gone with?
Well, I went very similar to Lou. Well, 1,500 you’ve gone with, there.
Yes, 1,500. 15,000, Lou went for. Oh, sorry. I missed that. Are you absolutely certain Maggie is
a scientist? How they ever reached the moon,
I do not know. It was a challenge. “Yeah, we’ve got to the moon.” “We’re actually only a tenth of the
way there, Maggie.” Keep going, keep going. Stuart, up or down from 1,500? Well, I started by working out how
many people a week probably do sponsored parachute
jumps in the UK… OK. ..and then I realised I couldn’t do
that maths so I picked a number out of the air. So, your average, Maggie and
Stuart… Let’s take a look. How many people took their first
parachute jump in 2018? Wow! Wow. Everybody is parachuting!
Yes. It’s amazing. 56,000! So that’s over 1,000 a week! I’m amazed at that. I’m amazed that
there’s any space in the sky. Lou, you were the closest over all –
15,000 – but a point there to Richard and
Lou. Very well done. What is the answer to this question,
please? According to townslist.co.uk. What do you think at home? I know
you all live in one. So that’s one. But it does feel like there must be
a bit of maths you can do. I’ll be channelling an answer from
the angels. OK, good. Well, vicars have an advantage here.
Oh, why so? Because I think I know how many
parishes there are in the UK. Ooh, that’s interesting. We will start now with Maggie and
Stuart on this one. Maggie, what have you gone for? OK, Stuart, up or down? Slightly down. Well, quite a lot
down. But, again, there’s no logic to
this, this is just a figure that looked
cute to me. 129,000?
Yeah. So, Maggie and Stuart, your average
is… That’d mean, I think, that there’s
only about 300 in each place. I’m just thinking that, myself.
I’m just thinking of London, which has got more than 300.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Er, Lou? Where are you? I think I’ve gone too low, but I’ve gone 26 thou and then
I’ve added a little picture. 26,000 sounds more reasonable,
given the maths we were just doing. Does it? OK. Well, that was a guess. Er, Richard, up or down from 26,000? Oh, no! Oh, so he’s happy. But – no, no – I’ve just realised
that I only know England parishes. I don’t think I have included
Welsh… But that’s OK because Lou has.
Yeah. You’re fine. I included… And Scientology, etc. So your average is 22,000. So, what do you think at home? 214,000, that’s 300 people in every
town, village and city in the UK. Or 22,000? Are you lower, are you
higher? What do you reckon? So, how many cities, towns and
villages are there in the UK? And who has got the point? Ooh! The point goes to Lou and Richard
again. Lou, once again, you’re the closest.
Mmm. How about that? You’re like a
savant. It feels great. It feels…
Amazing stuff. I’d just like to thank everybody
who’s been behind me in this round. Last question in this round. What is
the answer to this? The world’s most expensive gemstone
at the time, the Pink Star diamond. Oh, golly. Hmm. What do you think? It’s probably going to be a lot,
isn’t it? That’s my guess. Maggie has yet to get a point.
Yeah. I would love it if Maggie and Stuart
could win this one. No pressure. Richard, how many pounds have you
said the Pink Star diamond was? Lou, up or down from 90 million? And also… That’s it. What does that say at the bottom? “17 mill. Short for million.” Oh, thank you. “17 Mill. Short for million,” just
in case at home you were worried. So, 17 and 90. Let’s take a look at your average. Maggie, we need to get you a point
here. What have you gone for? OK. Stuart, up or down? Interesting. Hold on a minute. The last of the big spenders there
on the end. Let’s take a look at your average,
Stuart and Maggie. Oh, Maggie, I think I’ve let you
down again. What do you think at home? What have
you gone for? Let’s take a look. The price of the Pink Star diamond
was… Wow! You were both miles out,
individually. I know, but…
An amazing average. You’re not wearing that ring
anywhere though. Imagine if it went down the sink!
Yeah. But a terrific average from Richard
and Lou. That’s the end of that round. A very good round for Richard
and Lou, there. Tablets away, please, everybody. Let’s take a look at the scores at
the end of round two. Maggie, it’s OK. We’re very early on
in the week. Don’t you worry about this.
OK. Here’s how we look. We have joint leaders, Richard and
Stuart, with five points each. Well played,
gents. Let’s take a look at our next round
today. It is… We’re going to show you the lyrics
to some famous songs. It would be useful if you were a
respected musical journalist and broadcaster. Stuart? But we’re going to show you them in
pictorial form. We’ll show you a series of picture
clues and they will lead you to the lyrics of a song.
But what song? Fingers on buzzers, everybody. What is this song? It’s a song from the year 1987. Lou? I don’t think it’s right, but
Somebody To Love? Is it Somebody To Love? It is not. Stuart? Is it I Want To Dance With Somebody
by Whitney Houston? Is it I Want To Dance With Somebody?
Yes. # Oh, I want to dance with
somebody… # Because they’re feeling the heat. LOU: # I want to feel the heat with
somebody WHITNEY: # Yeah, I want to dance
with somebody… OK, then repeated. # With somebody who loves me. # You see how it works?
I get it now. Very well done, Stuart. Your next song is from the year
1970. What’s this song? Stuart again. Is it Raindrops Keep Fallin’
On My Head? # Raindrops keep fallin’
on my head… # There you go. I’ve just got a couple of questions.
I don’t get the… It’s a man whose feet are too big
for his bed. Oh, yes. And then, “Nothing seems to fit.” Bloomin’ heck. # Those raindrops are fallin’
on my head # They keep fallin’… # Lovely, I could sing that all day. BJ Thomas, of course. Written by
Burt Bacharach. Next one in what we’re now calling
the Stuart Maconie round is this song from… Lou? Sunflower Baby Dustbin Me. Is it? Thank you. Sunflower Baby Dustbin Me? I loved that one. It is not Sunflower Baby Dustbin Me.
It really looks like it, doesn’t it? Robson & Jerome. Anybody else? I can’t get this one. Stuart? Is it Build Me Up Buttercup?
Is it Build Me Up Buttercup? # Why do you build me up
Build me up… # Wow. “Let me down.” # And mess me around… # “Mess me around.” Er, Build Me Up Buttercup
by The Foundations. Great song. Last question in this round. What is this song from the year
No. No, it’s wrong. I thought it might be
Hello, Is It Me You’re Looking For? Lionel Richie, Hello. Is it Hello by Lionel Richie? # Hello, is it me you’re looking
for… # “See it in your eyes, you’ve got
parsley in your teeth.” “I can see it in your eyes.”
I can see it in your teeth? “I can see it in your smile.”
Oh, that’s so good. I ain’t complaining. There you go. It was Hello by Lionel Richie. Well done if you said that one,
and well done, Stuart, as well. That’s the end of that round. Let’s take a look at the scores.
Oh, dear. Quite a good round for Stuart.
Quite a good round. Well done, Stuart. When’s the science round coming up?
Because then I’ll… The science round? I’m hearing very good news… Friday. I’ll just wait until then, then.
Exactly. Two more rounds to go. And the next
round is… This is our map round. If you’d all
take out your tablets, please. We’re going to show you a map. I’m then going to ask you some
questions and you have to find the answer on
the map. And whoever is nearest will get
themselves a point. Here’s your map today… ..and it is a map of Asia.
Yes. First thing I would need you to find
is this, please. OK. That’s one of those ones that I
think we know what the answer is, but where the answer is
is another matter entirely. What do you think at home? We’ll put the map up now, have a
little point to where you think it is. So, the highest mountain in the
world. Lou, I’m afraid we’re going to start
with you. Oh, boy. Now, do you know what the highest
mountain in the world is? I thought it was Mount Everest,
which… Yep. Which I’m going…
And where is that? Well, I didn’t think it was in Asia. You didn’t think it was in Asia?
No. Interesting. Where did you think
Everest was? Well, I dunno. Somewhere out there. Lake District. But I just had a little guess and I
popped it there. So, Lou, you are… I’m going to say that’s
Northern China. Right at the top of China. Er, Richard. Did you also think it
was Everest? I think it’s Everest, yeah. And where do you imagine Everest
might be? I think it’s sort of India, Nepal,
Pakistan. Around that way. And where have you placed your dot? You are in a country called Nepal. Right. Er, Maggie, where is Everest? I thought Nepal because I remember
the sherpas and things like that. And I knew Nepal and China were
having a bit of a ding-dong in the past. So I thought I wanted to put it on
the border of China. But I think I put it higher up, so I think I’ve got it too… OK, let’s see where Maggie is. Yes, which is too far, I think. That’s kind of Tajikistan, you are,
there. Tajikistan, China.
Ah, is it? Stuart? So, I presume you thought it was
Everest? I did think it was Everest but at that point all my faculties
failed me… Uh-oh. ..and I had a massive, complete
physical and mental breakdown and forgot where the Himalayas are.
Yes. And I’ve put them… Richard has now made me think
that he was right. And I’ve put mine…
Well, you’ll see. Kyrgyzstan. You’re in Kyrgyzstan.
Is that where I am? Yeah, you are indeed. So, the highest mountain in
the world – it is Everest. It is in Nepal, which is exactly
where Reverend Richard Coles is! Reverend Richard Coles gets
the point. Very well done! Look at that.
I’m a little south-west of it. A little bit. It’s actually on the
border of China and Nepal, and you’re a little further away
from the border. Cos of political sensibilities. I have a responsibility to be
diplomatic and tactful. Thank you for all you do.
You’re welcome. Now we’re looking for the answer to
the next one, please. Where is this? I know that one. That’s a hairdresser’s… And off I go. What do you think at home?
Where’s Angkor Wat? Anyone been there? People go there now, don’t they?
Oh, I’ve been there. Have you been there?
Yes. Oh, come on, Maggie! Maggie has been there. Richard, we’ll start with you. Where have you gone? Are you look in that interesting,
rather congested bit, east of India, it’s one of those. OK. Yes, I think it’s in Cambodia.
OK. And I’ve stuck an X where I think
Cambodia is, but I don’t know. OK, interesting. Stuart, what did you think the
answer was? I hate to sound like I’m just – as I’ve done with so many things in
my life – slavishly copying Richard, but… ..my thinking was pretty much the
same. It’s in Cambodia, I’m not really
sure where Cambodia is. And I’ve put it just a bit further
up that congested ridge. OK.
Look at that. There’s Stuart. Lou, where did you think it was? Hmm, I wasn’t really sure. But I’ve gone for the same sort of
area. OK. Gone for the same sort of area. Let’s take a look, you might get a
point by default, which are the finest points of all. Look at that! It’s a lovely pattern the three of
you have made. So, Maggie, you’ve been there.
I have. Where was it? Cambodia. It was definitely in
Cambodia. And where have you put Cambodia? In that congested area where all
the other dots are. We really want Maggie to get the
point here. Wow! You are there, right next to
Richard. I will tell you, Lou, you’re in
Thailand. I love Thailand. Stuart, you’re in Laos.
Thought so. Maggie and Richard, you are both in
Cambodia. Which one of you is closer?
Now it’s… Yes. Let’s take a look.
It’s the playoffs. LOU WHISPERS: Come on, Maggie! I’m going to say that’s Maggie. Yeah! I’ve got a point! Yeah, well done. Absolutely bang on. For future shows in the week, could
you give us a list of places you’ve been? It just helps us. I thought I might
get it horribly wrong. Oh, no. That’s lovely though.
Well done. Point there for Maggie. Last question in this round. Can you find this, please?
Oh, there’s more. I know what it is but I don’t know
where it is. I think I might have been there and
I could not find it on that map. I have been there.
Have you? Yeah.
Where would I put it? Oh, my gosh. What do you think at home? Point at the screen if you know the
answer to this one. As a consensus, what did we think
the answer was? Maldives. Maldives.
Maldives? I was thinking Bali. Oh, wow. I haven’t got a clue. Stuart, let’s take a look.
What were you thinking? I had no clue where the most popular
honeymoon destination is… Let’s see where you’ve gone… ..with my ruthlessly unsentimental
attitude to life. So I looked where I thought the
smallest dot on the map was. And it was somewhere up by…
Well, you’ll see. If you are about to get married – firstly, our congratulations to you. That’s lovely. Isn’t it?
Isn’t that a nice thing? Secondly, I would say, if you’re
looking at a surprise honeymoon destination, I would not choose Uzbekistan, which I’m sure is lovely…
Oh, come on! So few people go there! I’m absolutely sure it’s lovely but
there might be better places. Did you have a honeymoon, Stuart?
In Uzbekistan! There you go. That’s why you went
for it. Lou, everybody else thinks it’s the
Maldives. Maldives, Maldives. So where have
you put the Maldives, Lou? Well, it’s a complete guess but it’s
where there was a little… It’s surrounded by sea, I do know
that about the Maldives. So I had a pop – bottom left. OK. Richard, agree or disagree? I think it’s the Maldives, and I’ve
been to the Maldives, and I think it’s that lovely little
archipelago that falls off the bottom of India. So Richard has gone there.
Oh. Maggie, you also thought it was the
Maldives? No, I thought it was Bali.
Oh, you thought it was Bali? Yes, which is, I think, probably not
that small. Let’s see where you’ve put Bali. Yeah, I might have put it in the
right place but… Er, yeah, Indonesia.
I’ve been there, yes. So, it’s a battle pretty much
between Lou and Richard. The answer is the Maldives. I’ll tell you now, one of you is in
the Maldives. One of you is having a honeymoon in
the Maldives. The other of you is having
a honeymoon in the Yemen. Oi-oi! Which is it? Who has won the point? Where are the Maldives? Where have you put them at home? Ah! Richard Coles, very well done! They’ve skewered your dot.
Very nicely done. Well done if you got that at home. Have you been to the Maldives?
I have. Tablets away, please. Were they as lovely as they sound?
So beautiful. Really beautiful. That is the end of round four. Let’s take a look at what it’s done
to the scores. One round to go before we find
Monday’s champion. Who is it going to be? The leaderboard going into that last
round looks a little bit like this. APPLAUSE It all comes down to our final
round. The final round is always the same.
It is always… We’re going to show you a picture,
there’ll be a clue underneath, smash them together and give me the
answer. Fingers on buzzers, buzz in, give
me a correct answer, get a point. Buzz in, give an incorrect answer,
lose a point. Maggie…
I’ve only got one! ..do not lose your point here.
OK? Good luck, everybody. Your first
category is… I love bread!
Excellent. It’s my lucky day. We are playing to your strengths. Here’s your first clue. That is Richard. It’s Panina Simone. Can’t take it, I’m afraid. That is Lou. I’m not going to rush this. Panina Simone. That’s exactly what Richard just
said. Literally. Er, Maggie? Panini Simone. Again, all three of you have said
the same thing. I’m pretty sure it was
Panina Simone. Panini Simone? Well, you’ve all said Panini Simone
and the answer was Paninina Simone. Oh! Come on. That was absolute carnage. And I lost the one point I had. Shall we forget this ever happened
and move onto another type of bread and another
soul singer? Here’s your next one. Richard?
Panettoneo. Is it Panettoneo? Very well played. Shall we do something that isn’t
bread? Next category is… Those will be the pictures, there’ll
be clues underneath. That is Stuart. Julia Davis Cup.
Oh! Julia Davis and Davis Cup.
Is that right? Julia Davis Cup. Well done. Very well played. Next comic actor. Yes, Stuart? Craig Charles and Eddie? Well played. Next comic actor. That is Richard.
Stephen Manganese? Well played. Next category. ALARM SOUNDS No more categories. Our time here is done. Let’s take a look at our final
leaderboard. Who has won Monday’s House Of Games,
Lou? I wonder who it could be.
Yes. Our winner on Monday’s
House Of Games is… ..Stuart Maconie. Look at that! 11 points to Stuart.
Wow. Richard on 8, Lou on 3, Maggie on 0. Very well done, Stuart. Stuart, that means you’ve won
yourself a prize. Yes! Ooh, what would you like to take
home with you on Monday’s House Of Games? Smoking jacket, bread bin,
playing cards, shower curtain? I think I’m going to go for the
smoking jacket. Smoking jacket. Stuart Maconie, Monday’s winner,
takes home a House Of Games smoking jacket.
Well done. We’ll take a look at the points
on the leaderboard for tomorrow. This is the first time we’ll see our
weekly leaderboard. Maggie, you have one.
I’ve got a point again! You actually got more points on that
than you did in the show. I know, I quite like that.
Very impressive. Lou, you have two. Richard, you have
three. Stuart, you have four. That’s only the first day of five,
though. It could all change – often does
change. I’ll see the four of you same time,
same place tomorrow. I’ll see you as well on
the House Of Games! REVEREND RICHARD: Oh, yes!